[Codo]

Because you must turn them into something - this is how meaning is born and transferred.

Very true, especially for anger. My therapist told me that anger is a valid feeling, but you have to use it in the right way.
It's an indicator of high distress/mental pain, and that things need change. Trying to ignore it makes it worse.
But if the change is not up to you, and you can't use the anger as fuel for transformation, it multiplies until it becomes a destructive force.

Nothing I said or did could change anything. I could spend hours writing down advice, critique, concerns, feelings, thoughts, sadness, confusion, disgust, anger, it NEVER mattered at all.
Things just got worse each and every time. Each word I wrote down was a complete waste of time and energy.
I was ignored and kept in the shadows. I was even told to stop whining and bitching, which made me even more angry.
And that things were always even much worse than I predicted with my already highly cynical brain, wasn't really helpful for my attempts of becoming a less cynical person.

I had only one option of transformation: Walking away from the situation. But I wanted to hold on to vague hints and hopes, and so I trapped myself, until it nearly destroyed me.
I should have known that this situation was highly toxic for a HSP, hardcore thinker and anxious person like me. I thought I was strong enough to hold myself together. But I wasn't.
I found it way easier to deal with bullies, narcissists and assholes. Bad people being bad, Whatever.
But when people who are neither completely good or bad, generally mean no harm but do toxic and abusive things out of ignorance, fear, false priorities and loyalties, and when their actions don't reflects their words and what they claim to feel, even repeatedly lie to you (which is not only highly disrespectful and hurtful, but also shows how little they think of your intelligence), it can drive you insane, because you have no idea how you should think and feel about them.

R.I.P. the stolen goodies

Nothing was stolen, but a door was damaged. Since that incident, there wasn't another attempt.

Let's pity the people who didn't believe you and hope they have realized their mistake, hehe

They still don't believe me. I made the right observation, but came to the wrong conclusion that they were stalking ME.
So the reaction was "See, you were WRONG. They were looking for houses to raid, not for you."
*sigh*

Don't blame yourself for basing your choice on them, of course as long as that choice was correct.

Spending YEARS idling, hoping, waiting, turning people and job offers down, just because of vague hopes on the internet?
That was stupid. And were my observations correct? I still don't know for sure. I still could have made all this up, as my friends say. But I have to stop thinking about it.
I brooded over this problem for years now, and I have to let it go and start enjoying life again. REAL life.